But let’s take a slightly closer look at the claims made by the Central Quay Rangers Supporters branch. So the Huns had an “impressive” away record in last year’s Champion’s League did they? Two points from a possible nine. Fuck me what a sensational record that is!! Picking up 22% of the points available is not something most of us would describe as “impressive”. 

Now, we all acknowledge that Celtic’s away record in the Champions League is pish. Keith Union Jackson and his cronies love nothing more to revel in this and rhyme off the stats. “1 point in 15 attempts… 1 point from 16 games yadda yadda yadda”. Such references are punctuated with words such as “dismal”, “abysmal” and “appalling”. It doesn’t even need to be an away game for this to be dredged up. Jangle began his match report on Celtic’s 2-0 win over Villareal with something about people who say Celtic’s away record is rotten have a point but usually Celtic don’t. The semi-literate turd having given up a promising stand up career touring Orange Lodges to scribble pish like this in Scotland’s establishment rag.

Now to be fair, as I mentioned, the rags did make token reference to the Huns’ shitey performances at home last season, although these were described as “disappointing”, Terms such as “appalling”,”dreadful” and “shocking”, as well as the cracking the jokes about three point plugs in Europe are reserved for Timmy. So how does this record stack up?

HUNS HOME CL RECORD SEASON 2008/09 Played 3, Won 0, Drawn 0, Lost 3, F 2, A 10, PTS 0

Add on the Huns’ two previous home games from the previous season’s CL:

HUNS HOME CL RECORD LAST 5 GAMES Played 5, Won 0, Drawn 1, Lost 4, F 2, A 14, PTS 1

1 point from a possible 15, goal difference = minus 12. If that’s not “appalling”, “dismal” or “dreadful”, I don’t know what is. “Disappointing” is not the adjective any objective observer would use.

And yes, I realise I have selectively left out Der Huns opening CL victory of season 2007/08, but if the Scottish media can selectively ignore season 1997/98 on a technicality in an effort to bum up the Fat Monster Much Eater at the expense of Henrik Larsson then I can do the same, with much more justification.

Finally, a lot has been said about the outstanding tactical abilities of the Man with no Surname. The Scottish press have laughably attempted to convince us that Alex Ferguson is in some way intimidated by the man who led Rangers to humiliation at the hands of such illustrious teams as Grasshoppers, Strasbourg, Kaunas and Unirea Urziceni, whilst at the same time painting a picture of these “giants” of the game engaged in mutual fellatio given their achievements in the game. They don’t explain how many CIS Cups is equal to a European Cup though. Anyway, let’s have a look at this record that has Sir Awex keeching his Ys:

Played 31, Won 5, Drawn 11, Lost 15. Won 16%. Last 12 games in Europe without a win.

So you might be able to see why I find today’s lectures from the Orc minions on what it takes to get a result in Europe as akin to George Michael giving advice on how to remain celibate.


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