I am the Billionaire owner of Glasgow Rangers Football Club with wealth off the radar and am in need of help to transfer funds which are presently confined in Glasgow Rangers Football Club before those bassas at HMRC get their hands on it.  In order to commence this business, I solicit your assistance to enable me to transfer into your account, the said trapped funds, as said funds are trapped and I can’t get them where I am, which is in a secret location inside my mountain fortress in Costa Rica.


The following represents the source of the funds:

During my regime at Glasgow Rangers, I set up companies and awarded them contracts which were grossly over invoiced in various ministries which informed the setting up of the Contract Review Panel by the present Administrators to advise on the aforementioned, which is in the past.  I have identified a lot of inflated contract sums which are presently taped underneath my former desk drawer ready for payment, amongst which is the said sum of US$31,320,000 (Thirty One Million, Three-Hundred and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars) that I solicit your assistance for the transfer.  As I am unable to manage the transfer all by myself by virtue of the dodgy internet connection in Costa Rica, I have therefore have to solicit for an overseas partner into whose account we would transfer the said sum.

I agree to share the money thusly:

1.     35% for the Account Owner (you)

2.     85% for me (The Owner)

3.     25% to be used in settling all expenses (my end and your end).  Incidental to the realization of this transaction.

It is from the 85% that I wish to commence the importation business.  Please note that this transaction is 140% safe and I hope to conclude the transaction in at most 10 banking days from the date of the receipt of the following information from you by Fax; Your company name and address, your bankers name and your Tel/Fax: number, and your wife’s bra size, bearing in mind the local festivities (Festavilio de la Muerte) Costa Rica presently is in.  The steps we’ll need to take in order to successfully transfer said secret monies will proceed thusly –

1)      You give me a small deposit ($50-100,000) for me to deposit into my bank account,

B)    I’ll transfer the monies, from said location taped underneath my former desk drawer, to your bank account via the internet and,

iii)   You then take your share of said monies (12.5%) and send me on the rest (96.4%), while we split the admin fees (45.1%) to cover admin costs.

As a token of my appreciation to you, I shall make available to you at less than market price as much as 500,000 season tickets over the next 4 years (providing those daft bassas at Ticketus don’t notice!), the catering contract for Ibrox, a great quality racing bike (chain broken),an antique “Jim’ll Fix-It” medal from 1985, a jumper I acquired from Noel Edmunds washing line in 1996 and a brand new (used) ceramic ceremonial cup used for loving presentations and toasts to her majesty the Queen of England.

The above information from you will enable me to write letters of claim and job description respectively enabling me to use your Company Name and Account details to apply for payment.  I am looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your confidentiality in this transaction.  Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the following  Tel/Fax numbers : (234-30-408550 and 234-90-408674).  I will bring you into the complete picture of this secretest of secret projects when I have heard from you.

Yours Faithfully,

Wee Craigy Whyte,

Secret Mountain Fortress,

Costa Rica.


Follow the author of this article on Twitter