To commemorate Rangers’ achievement another seventeen stars will be added to the club crest which will mean they have won millions more CIS cups even than Real Madrid and Manchester United put together. A special tangerine European fifth strip will also be commissioned featuring 280 stars on the crest, the very thing to be seen in down your local tangerine lodge this summer.


Rangers’ latest unprecedented winning of every trophy this season and in the world ever for the rest of time, is also expected to lead to the return of Rino Gattuso to the light blue jersey featuring as many stars on it as there are stars in the universe. The Italian superstar has been constantly begging Moonbeams to take him back to Ibrox since being bundled into a taxi after breaching Pepperami protocol back in 1999. Our Great President now believes the time is right to grant the best player since Gio Van Bronkchorst his dying wish, 60 years before he dies.

From here, Rangers can only go from strength to strength. The gap between Scotland’s Premier Sporting Institution and the rest of Scottish football, even their Auld Firm rivals – Them – will move from a gulf to a yawning chasm. Domination of European and World football followed by the Inner Solar System is only a matter of time once Mr Murray’s plans for a new Super-Casino-Dome-Stadium-Death-Star-Floating-in-Space are signed off by Glasgow City Council in the year 2066.

But for the time being, neutral journalists who only write about Rangers and go on Rangers TV like myself, can look forward to opening the marching season as World Cup winners thanks to Gio and Big Frank.