The first point which was made to us was that the hypothetical manager (THM) felt let down by the board right from the off over the size of his budget. He believes that promises were made which were not kept. When THM took the job it was made clear that he would be required to reduce the squad size and by extension reduce the wage bill. However, he was assured that an agreed figure would be made available to him to make significant changes in the Summer Transfer Window. This figure did not materialise and a heated debate took place between the manager and the hypothetical chief executive in the final days of August. Eventually it was agreed that a set sum would be provided in the Winter Transfer Window. Again this did not become a reality and another argument ensued. One topic of discussion included the sale of a player THM wished to keep at the club. We hear that this hypothetical player would hypothetically play in midfield and have hypothetical ginger hair. Eventually a compromise was hypothetically reached to release enough funds to bring in players on loan and it was agreed that the matter would be revisited during the summer. We understand that THM was not convinced that this sum of money would be made available and increasingly came to see the hypothetical Chief Executive as the main driving force behind the “prudent financial direction” of the club.

When offered the opportunity to sign a hypothetical big name on loan, THM was apparently not bothered one way or another. He had brought in a hypothetical striker to provide the goals he felt were lacking and while he accepted the qualities hypothetical big name had to offer he did not feel that this was an essential signing. It was said to us that THM believes a hypothetical major shareholder at the club bet significant sums on his club catching their rivals after a good showing in the hypothetical second meeting of the season and he felt that the player was brought to the club to help the shareholder win that bet. Hypothetically that bet was between £500,000 and £1,000,000 on this hypothetical club winning the league. Our source believes that the hypothetical big name on loan has unsettled the dressing room with his talk of how much some players could be earning if they were with an average hypothetical EPL team. He is also considered to be enjoying the high life and more than a few players have arrived with hypothetical hangovers at training following a night out with the hypothetical big name on loan.

THM’s relationship with the media appears to have been doomed from the off. Our source tells us that an influential hypothetical hack came up to THM at the end of the introductory press conference and told him that in order to gain good coverage in his paper and on the radio he should give said hypothetical hack a heads up on stories. THM refused to do this. The manager then locked horns with the hypothetical hack over his football philosophy. Following this debate the hack would sit at the back of the room and say nothing when the team had played well. When the team had played badly he would be first to arrive at the press conference and place himself in the front row. THM grew to hate this particular hack.

THM believes that the game was up at around Christmas time – he believes his most talented hypothetical player had made a decision to leave the club in January and that his agent had agreed at deal with a hypothetical midlands club which will be resurrected in the summer. This hypothetical talented player’s attitude at training and in matches during this time was described by THM as “disgraceful.”

Finally, THM heard that his employers were in negotiation with an unemployed hypothetical manager based in England. The hypothetical manager confronted the hypothetical Chief Executive regarding this in the days prior to the hypothetical last game in charge and these negotiations were confirmed to him. THM knew that the end was near and so too did his players. Today THM believes that negotiations are at an advanced stage with the unemployed hypothetical manager but he feels that the hypothetical Chief Executive was pushing for the hypothetical temporary manager and would still like to appoint him. Assuming, of course, that the hypothetical Chief Executive is still in charge come the summer.

THM is, of course, very disappointed at how things turned out. However, he admits that he made mistakes and that he found the impact of the job on his private life to be unbearable. And this was despite being warned by two previous hypothetical managers of the club and one hypothetical former manager of the main opposition.

That’s all hypothetical of course and has nothing at all to do with Celtic.