However, the good people of the Kingdom of Celtic were not happy.  They could tell that Scotty wasn’t a natural Holding Midfielder.  He was too quick tempered, too restless to play in the centre of the park and sure enough, Scotty began to make mistakes and the people began to complain.  Loudly.  It caused Young Scotty so much worry that all his hair fell out.


Nevertheless, Wee Gordy, being King and all, decided he knew best and kept playing Scotty in the centre of the park, despite the protestations of his people.  After a dour and uninspiring season in which King Gordy conspired to lose his crusade against Celtic’s loathed rivals from the south, The Kingdom of Der Hun, Wee Gordy resigned his post as King before he was chased out of the kingdom by a mob with pitchforks and flaming torches.  The good people of the Kingdom of Celtic fell under the ruthless iron rule of Evil King Watty and his minion Sally.

The Kingdom of Celtic tried to regroup and raise an insurrection against their cruel and evil overlords, but they stumbled and stuttered the next year, without a strong and charismatic leader.  For they had a new King, a King with a massive impervious chin, but who was lacking in tactical nous and a brave heart.  Once again, after a disastrous campaign, the Kingdom of Der Hun triumphed and poor Scotty was consigned to the Holding Midfielder role once again.  Scotty despaired and prayed to his Fairy Godmother every night for someone to save him from his nightmare.

And as fate would have it, a wee leprechaun must have been listening as out of the mist of defeat strode a gallant knight from the far off land of Lurgan.  A man of principle, of steely heart and razor sharp wit.  Sir Neil of Lennon.

Sir Neil took charge of the Kingdom of Celtic and did what no other King had done before.  He allowed Scotty to play his natural position.  Wide right.

Suddenly Scotty was reborn in that moment, like the phoenix rising from the ashes of defeat, Scotty Brooner ascended and took control of his own destiny.  He began to show the kind of form that had led to his move to the Kingdom of Celtic in the first place.  He had regained his strength, his ability to cut through the phalanxes of the opposition defence with ease.  He was a modern day Achilles.  One by one the enemies of the Kingdom of Celtic fell before Scotty’s sheer warrior goodness.  The Kingdom of Celtic once again began to take a foothold on the land of SPHell and the people felt free at last.  They hailed Scotty once again as a potential knight in the making.

Then, when all was looking good, the spectre of evil rose in the south once more.  Like the Great Eye of Sauron, wreathed in flame, came the black hearted El Hadj Diouf and behind him, the minions of hell followed.

With his enemies uniting against him, Sir Neil of Lennon turned to his most trusted protégé – Scotty – and bestowed upon him the greatest of challenges…to face Diouf and defeat him in battle.  For Sir Neil knew, if you could defeat the one they regarded as a saviour, as impervious to pious cause, if you could defeat a heart so black it made the room dark just by mentioning it’s name, then the war against oppression would sway in his Kingdom’s favour.  With the entire Kingdom of Der Hun facing him and only his trusted allies behind him, Scotty did just that…with apparent ease.  Diouf was nothing more than an apparition with all the substance of smoke.  He was nothing more than a cheap parlour trick, a sideshow, used to deflect attention from the crumbling kingdom of Der Hun and the slipping sanity of its ruler, the mad King Watty.  And in that moment the entire population of the Kingdom of Celtic saw the truth, that the Kingdom of Der Hun was impoverished and on the brink of collapse.  If they could win this campaign then an era of evil may be at an end.  They may be able to banish the darkness forever.

Unable to break the defences of the Kingdom of Celtic, Der Huns retreated back to their swamplands in the south, licking their wounds, tails between their legs.

Once again the people rejoiced.  They were free and able to live in prosperity and happiness in the Kingdom of Celtic.  They not only had a benevolent and wise ruler in Sir Neil of Lennon, but they had a trusted warrior to keep their enemies at bay, to ensure their kingdom was safe from the machinations of Watty and his hordes.

The End…or is it?

There…now it’s definitely time for you to go to sleep.

Did Scotty have any more adventures?  Sure!  He fought many more battles for the Kingdom of Celtic, he faced many more enemies and he even faced Watty and his hordes again…tell them to you now?

Sorry son, that’s another story for another time.

Night night.